32 Beating Betrayal with Wuthering Heights | Philosophy and Literature - Female Empowerment - Bluestocking Society -Women's intellectual history

My name is Stephanie Poppins and I am an advocate for literary empowerment.

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Hello and welcome to today's episode of the Female Stoic Podcast.

Today we are looking at how to beat betrayal in a stoic way.

And what better a novel to a further theme of Betrayal 2 than Wuthering Heights?

If you don't know the story, check out my tracks on Insight Timer or for audiobook wherever you listen to audiobooks.

So Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights, a gothic tale of intense passion, jealousy, and revenge set on the Yorkshire Moors.

It follows Heathcliff, a mysterious foundling adopted by the Earnshaw family, who develops a deep destructive bond with Catherine Earnshaw, who is no relation to him but lives side by side with Hitmers's sister.

After Catherine marries the refined Edgar Linton, the heartbroken and vengeful Heathcliff spend years orchestrating the ruin of Earnshaw and the Linton families before he ultimately dies.

So as you can see, betrayal plays a massive part in this gothic series.

But before we begin, let's go to the message of the week.

Each week, as you know, I'm sent a message or sometimes every couple of weeks.

And this message I received from Ember in Wyoming.

So thank you to Ember for sending that in.

She asked me to discuss how we deal with betrayal as Stoics.

She says her mother has recently died and she had an understanding between her and her sister that they would divide the childhood keepsakes their mother left behind.

She assumed that they would divide them equally, but she's since discovered some of the things she's seen and expected to be there disappeared.

She understands that it's only her sister that could have taken them and says she now feels betrayed.

She has nothing that she wanted to hold onto in times of struggle and sorrow.

And what should she do about the feeling of betrayal?

Again, thank you, Amber for sending that to the podcast.

So let's take a closer look at betrayal.

Betrayal involves the intentional violation of trust by someone closest to us.

It can cause significant emotional distress, shock, long term damage and many difficulties within that relationship.

Common forms of betrayal include emotional and physical infidelity, lying, breaking promises, financial deception, abandonment and this can be from family members, close relationships or romantic relationships we have with other people and this betrayal can result in feelings of trauma, grief and anxiety.

Common types of betrayal Infidelity, Romantic betrayal, Emotional affairs as well as sexual affairs.

Dishonesty and lying.

Deception in major life areas.

Maybe the withholding of information or gaslighting.

A breach of confidence.

Someone closest to us who has shared secrets or confidential information that was entrusted to them.

Financial betrayal.

Hidden debts we knew nothing about.

Gambling problems or unauthorised overspending by someone close to us.

Feelings of disloyalty or abandonment.

Failing.

The failing of others to support us during tough times.

Maybe we haven't felt defended, or maybe those persons have formed coalitions with others against us.

Emotional neglect or coldness from those close to us.

Social betrayal.

Public humiliation, perhaps gossiping or bad mouthing, and of course abuse and coercion.

Many of these instances of betrayal occur in Wuthering Heights and today we are going to look specifically at how Heathcliff managed his reaction.

Indeed, not very well to the betrayal that he experienced at Catherine Urnshaw's hands.

So betrayal as a theme in Wuthering Heights drives this narrative cycle of revenge, primarily stemming from Catherine Urnshaw's decision to marry Edgar Linton for social status.

This is viewed as a betrayal, on the one hand, her betraying her true self and her bond with Heathcliff, and on the other hand a betrayal to Heathcliff himself.

And this act, this choice she makes, shatters him and turns him into, through his reaction, a vengeful, abusive force of nature.

He systematically goes on in the novel to destroy the Earnshaw and Linton legacies.

So this is the way he deals with betrayal.

And indeed, that's the driving narrative through the story, this anger, this aggression and this extreme reaction that he has to what has happened.

So Catherine, by choosing Edgar, is rejecting her profound spiritual connection with Heathcrest.

They grow up together, side by side.

They are very close.

They are both quite rebellious characters.

And yet she decides, through social pressure, to make the choice to distance herself from him and form an alliance with the Linton family.

And this is beautifully juxtaposed with the actions of her daughter Cathy, who then goes on to address this social expectation in a completely different way and so benefit from the lessons that her mother taught her so early in life.

Catherine defies gender roles by being wild and savage.

She is quoted as being completely defiant of what is expected of a young lady and she acts as an equal to her foster brother Heathcliff.

And they escape on the Moors together and they are very much immersed in their own world.

And then she grows up and she succumbs to patriarchal pressure by marrying Edgar Linton to retain social standing and actually gain further status.

This in itself is in is a decision that's destroying her true self and her illness.

Her subsequent illness after the birth of her daughter is interpreted as a reaction to being forced into the role of a conventional Victorian lady, which goes against her true nature.

So she's betraying herself, and she's also betraying the connection she has with Heathcliff.

So at first, the novel portrays the harsh realities of a woman in a patriarchal society where they're treated as property or expected to be submissive, and it shows her rebelling against that.

But then it shows a complete turn around.

This encapsulates the idea of betrayal.

So Emily Bronte here is allowing her female characters to exert power.

To start with, Catherine refuses to be controlled.

But then it is saying, well, it's time to get sensible here Catherine, you are really going to have to toe the line if you want to experience life as a stable individuals, as stable in a stable environment as a woman.

Now we could argue here Bronte is rejecting the notion women's happiness depends on social status as she then goes on to juxtapose the choices of Catherine with the choice of her daughter who essentially decides, as her mother felt she couldn't, to marry for love and exercise mercy and compassion to overcome this oppressive revenge driven world that she has first hand experience of by watching Heathcliff's demise.

Again, if you don't know the story, check out the audio book.

It's a fascinating listen.

At the height of her betrayal, Catherine says it would degrade me to marry Heathcliff.

Now and then she continues to recognise whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

He's more myself than I am.

So she is torn.

Essentially, here she has two choices, and the choice she makes is stability.

She recognises that Heathcliff is a wild card, he's unpredictable and instead of embracing that side of herself, she rejects it.

So betrayal here is her rejection of Heathcliff.

She is blaming external forces for her choices because she's placing social status as the ultimating value, but she's also placing her power then in the hands of others.

And yet, of course, she presents initially as a wild and free spirit.

And that's where this gothic drama is at its peak, this idea that there's an internal battle between the wild and free, the dark, the intense and the compliant, and the light.

And this is ultimately why she suffers in the end from this repressive state she experiences in her marriage to Edgar Linton.

Going back to the question which is about betrayal, it's important here to recognise betrayal affects the betrayer as much as the betrayed.

So that's something to consider.

Catherine Urnshaw says I've no more business to marry Edgar Linton than I have to be in heaven.

So she's ultimately betraying her own soul, which leads to her mental collapse and death.

Betrayal does not come without consequence.

As with all poor choices, we all suffer ultimately, and we understand this at Stoics.

So we look at Heathcliff and his reactivity to her choice.

He feels betrayed and he decides systematically to dismantle the lives of Hindley by enabling his gambling Isabella by marrying and abusing her and the next generation by mirroring the abuse that he says that he's suffered.

So in this there's a sense of self betrayal too.

Going back to the question as Ember sister has in fact betrayed her, so she has betrayed herself.

She has betrayed the relationship, she has betrayed everything that she can gain, the support she can gain from the relationship with her sister, which in turn is betraying herself.

And Wuthering Heights is such a great example of this because almost every character betrays their own happiness or nature.

It's a messy novel.

Catherine denies her love, Isabella ignores warnings about Heathcliff's character.

Heathcliff betrays himself by becoming self-destructive.

The list goes on.

And this novel is a beautiful showpiece to exhibit so many betrayals which are stemming from societal pressures regarding class and wealth, which was a huge theme in Victorian novels.

It's basically depicting these pressures as forces which control characters and push them into destructive, unnatural choices.

Although as Stoics we understand these choices are of course within the powers of the characters themselves.

Stoic masters dealt with betrayal by separating their emotional reaction from their actions.

As I always say, the power is in the pause.

They refused to give the betrayer power over their peace, and they focused on only what was within their control, their own virtue, and their response to that.

So rather than being shocked, they understood betrayal is a part of human nature, especially in times of great stress.

And again, going back to Ember's question, the loss of a parent is a very stressful time.

And sometimes reactivity takes a hold of people and they do things because they haven't created enough, enough of a pause between what's happened and their reaction.

They do things they wouldn't necessarily otherwise do.

So rather than being shocked, Stoics expect betrayal as part of human nature.

And this allows us to view it as a piece of information, something we can learn from, rather than a personal catastrophe.

So how do we manage this, and how do we learn from this?

Particularly, Marcus Aurelius reminded himself.

Every morning he would encounter people who were ungrateful, treacherous, and malicious.

And because he expected betrayal, he was really blindsided by it.

When it happened.

He didn't feel shocked or victimized, but he was prepared.

He wrote that expecting a bad person not to harm others.

This is like expecting a fig tree not to produce juice.

Now at no point are we saying here that embassist is a bad person, but she has reacted in a negative way.

Understanding, using the information to gain knowledge about an individual, be they a family member or not, will so empower us.

This reactivity Ember Sister has chosen is an external force.

It's external event.

It's outside of her direct control.

And Marcus Aurelius says the best revenge is not to be like them.

So Stoics believes seeking revenge makes us as bad as the person who harmed us, as bad as the behaviour of the person who harmed us.

So we maintain our own dignity and character.

We refuse to descend into anger, jealousy or malice.

We create a space between what we have experienced, the betrayal we have been victim to and our reaction to that.

We separate the action from our emotion.

We understand we're going to feel upset, but we create a space.

We create a pause between the action and our reaction.

When Cato discovered a friend was conspiring against him, he did not fly into a rage.

He calmly took action with both firmness and gentleness.

Instead of reacting instantly with emotion, he waited.

He assessed the situation and he took calculated, practical steps.

He recognised his feelings of pain were his to manage and it was up to him to make the decision as to how he wanted to play it moving forwards.

So in Ember's case, assessing her sister's behaviour means viewing it as information.

What can she learn from this?

Again, as I always say, the powers in the pause take a moment, come to terms with what has happened.

This moment is orchestrated to protect you.

That's why we pause.

Not because we don't feel anything, not because it doesn't hurt us, but because we have to create a space in order to protect our inner peace, to keep the walls out in a citadel high.

So we're not going to get drawn into situations where we feel we're forced to speak, we're forced to react.

We take some time.

Consider the message we've been given.

The message here is my sister is a reactive person.

She does things because she has less control over her emotions, because she is experiencing high emotion.

Creating that pause then gives her the time to reflect on her action.

Epictetus says everything has 2 handles, 1 by which it can be carried as a learning opportunity and one by which it cannot as a tragedy.

During this pause you can fully assess the situation.

Do not engage in conversation until you are ready to deal with it.

Use this betrayal as data that reveals the true character of the person you're dealing with, and allow this then to adjust boundaries and future trust.

As far as Heathcliff was concerned, it was again in his power to detach himself from the situation, which he did.

But then he returned and of course Catherine was continually engaging with him, even though she was still married to Edgar Linton, and he refused to stay away from her.

So of course this grew into something more and more powerful.

He was and is he remains in the story, a destructive character.

So his betrayal was used to fuel the destructive person he was.

So it's our choice how we react.

It's our choice whether we give ourselves space, adjust our boundaries, and understand this is information we must use in order to strategize with this person in the future.

And of course, that space allows us to focus on self improvement.

What did I miss?

Ember could ask herself rather than why did she do this to me?

What didn't I see here?

What didn't I understand about my sister?

Marcus Aurelius was betrayed by his closest general who tried to steal the throne and upon the general's death he chose not to hunt down his Co conspirators but to pardon them.

He did not let the memory of betrayal ruin his Peace of Mind.

Once the threat was neutralised he moved on.

The threat here for Ember is the loss of something which she feels would have given her comfort.

So she has two choices, 1 to react to this or two to Createspace strategize and come up with an argument that she would be able to put forward so that she may either gain some clarity or in fact hope to benefit by regaining some of the property that was taken.

So this is the action we take.

We expect betrayal to happen.

We understand it's an external event and we understand that it happens as the result of reactivity from those who are not in control of how they respond to external forces.

As we see with Heathcliff, the betrayal he suffered, he misuses.

It's a catalyst, forever wrongdoing that he chooses.

But that is his choice.

That is him refusing to align with his virtue.

That is him using it as an excuse for poor behaviour.

We do not want to do that.

We do not then retaliate.

We live well afterwards in strength and fortitude.

That's the best message we can send.

And we use this situation is a lesson to set better boundaries and learn from it.

So let's go to the journals.

And as you know, each week we have a journal task, and today's journal task is going to be a reflective task on a time we reacted when it would have been more prudent to create a pause and so reflect on what happened and protect our inner peace.

So we're going to write down a time we reacted when it would have been more prudent to Createspace.

And as we always say, each week these tasks can help us when we look back over them to gain some understanding and knowledge of who we are as a character and what we can work on.

The Stoic masters use journaling as a powerful tool to help them grow and tap into their inner citadel each day, and that's what we're aiming to do here.

So to summarise, when faced with betrayal, we create that space, we see it for what it is and we understand we still have the power over our choices and we use it as a lesson so that we may strategize and gain control in the future.

Thank you for listening and I'll see you next time.

Bye.

Hey Stephanie here, thank you for listening to the Female Stoic podcast.

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