31 How to Conquer Fear as a stoic Woman - | Philosophy and Literature - Female Empowerment - Bluestocking Society -Women's intellectual history

Welcome to the Female Stoic podcast.My name is Stephanie Poppins and I am an advocate for literary empowerment.That means I believe the example set by the literary masters can broaden life perspective, create increased self-awareness, and empower us to overcome the obstacles we encounter here in the 21st century.

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By listening and referring what we hear to Stoic philosophy, we can foster a strong sense of self and navigate the world more effectively.This podcast takes the form of both discussions and meditations, and if you like what you hear, you might consider looking me up on my socials where I post empowering videos every day.

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Or you may like my classic audiobooks and original stories available on my website, newworldbooks.uk.Happy listening.

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And welcome to another episode of the Female Stoic podcast.And today's episode is entitled How do we Conquer fear as a Stoic Woman?And we will be featuring and I will be referring to my latest audio drama, Mystery at Meadowbank Cottage, which is serialized on Insight Timer meditation app and obviously, of course, making reference to the Stoic Masters.

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So let us begin.I received a message from Lisa in Leeds asking me to discuss how we manage our fears.As she says, it's very hard for her to face up to the pain of the breakdown of her marriage she's been running from for a while now.

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Thank you, Lisa, for sending that to the podcast.So as I said in today's episode, I will be referring to my protagonist, Tuesday Saint Clair, who features in Mystery at Meadowbank Cottage, my latest audio drama.

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You can hear that on Insight Timer.And check out my other original audiobooks anywhere you listen to audiobooks.So the question of the day.What would your life look like if fear no longer had a voice?

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If you didn't have anything to manage to tame, to negotiate with?Imagine waking up every day without hesitation, or second guessing yourself without an internal voice telling you you're not good enough.What decisions would you make?

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What doors would you kick open and what dreams would you chase?Seneca said.Our fears are more numerous than our dangers, and I have come to understand this to be true, Although I must note fears have also kept me as a woman safe.

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So I'm asking you to be mindful of how to manage fear and compartmentalise it so it's maintained in its rightful place without overpowering you, rather than negating its value altogether.

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Let us consider my character, Tuesday Sinclair.If you haven't been listening to my latest audio drama on Insight Timer, Tuesday is in her early 30s and at a crossroads.She lives in the city with Robert Chaif, who she has now outgrown for many different reasons.

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But ever since she lost her parents, she's been suffering with a lack of confidence and has been putting off leaving him.Quote.She knew if she was to return to anything more than a shadow of her former self, she must do something different.

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And after the conversation she'd had the day before, that meant leaving everything behind.The apartment, the expensive lifestyle and the living Leech.So Tuesday realises she has to change something.

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She's scared though, because she associates change with something bad.The loss of her parents.She's holding onto this relationship because she's not ready to face another loss.

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But he in steps her brother Justin, who I might add, has problems of his own, and he proposes an end to her running away from her problems and a revisit of unfinished business, not least of all Jonathan Green, the man who shunned her many years before.

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So Tuesday, Sinclair agrees to his business proposal and takes the leap, regardless of her fear.And that's what this is all about today, facing our fears.We've all been there, at that place where we have to make a decision and live with it in order to honour our higher self.

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But it's a scary thing to do now with Stoics.In practice we understand that fear is something to manage, so it doesn't control us.And using this example of Tuesday, we have to decide to take the leap and try something new, even if materially we might have it all sorted.

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Because it's time for us to realise that life is short and we must act in order to honour that opportunity that we have ahead of us.And of course it's important as Stoics that we note when we give more power to fear and let it control us, which fear is of course an external force, we are voluntarily allowing the destruction of our inner citadel, the walls, to to crumble.

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So when I refer to the Inner Citadel, I'm talking about the dichotomy of control, which we have covered in every episode preceding this one.The Stoic dichotomy of control introduced by epicteters is the practising of distinguishing between what we can control, our own thoughts, actions and judgements, and what we cannot, which are external events, outcomes and other people's opinions.

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By focusing our energy only on the internal factors and accepting externals with equanimity, we can achieve our Peace of Mind and we can reduce our anxiety.But of course it's a daily disciplined practice and that is why we journal and that is why we tap in with our higher self.

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We aim to do that as practising Stoics every day.And if you are unsure of how to journal or need a guide as to the discipline of journalling, check out my 5 day working week journaling course on Insight Timer.

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So what we can control, that we protect in our inner citadel, our voluntary actions, our thoughts, beliefs, values, judgements and desires, how we react to external forces, and of course, what we hold precious, our values and our virtue and everything outside of that we cannot control.

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We can't control the past or the future.We can't control other people's opinions of us or their actions.We can't control our reputation according to other people.

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So the goal here, when we practice the protection of our virtue, when we build our inner citadel walls high, the goal is to focus all of our effort on our personal virtue and response while treating external forces with detachment, or as we say, indifference.

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And this in turn reduces frustration, anger and anxiety because we are letting go of futile efforts.We understand that no matter how much energy we put into the chaos around us, we are unable to control the uncontrollable.

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So going back to the question, Lisa is scared.She's at a crossroads.She's come to a point where her marriage has now ended and she needs to take the next step.So what are the fears that we have as humans?

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What are the things that encourage us to experience physically that fight or flight response?As mentioned in episode 11 when we looked at Mrs. Bennett from Pride and Prejudice, in modern psychology and Buddhism it is widely accepted there are 5 main fears.

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Quote Fear is a judgement that is not caused by external events, but by our judgement that an event is bad or evil when it's actually just and indifferent.We must bear this in mind.

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So let's look at these five fears as a fear of death.We can associate also this with the fear of something.So every fear we have in modern philosophy is said to be attached to one of our five fears, fear of death, which we can associate with the end of something.

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Of course, death to our ego is pretty inconceivable, because how can we understand that in which we have no way to experience and live to tell the tale?But the end of things is a similar fear.

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It's something we can all experience, and we will.So we have the fear of death, fear of illness, which we associate with lack of autonomy related to the loss of the function of the machine which is carrying us through life, a fear of losing our minds.

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We can associate also with a lack of autonomy, a fear of loss of livelihood which we can associate with a loss of purpose and a fear of poverty and a fear of public speaking or embarrassment in front of other people.

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So these fears mobilize this full force of our nervous system's threat response and they can paralyze our decision making, they can drain our energy, and they can prevent us from realizing our full potential.

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And the reason I refer to these fears is I personally have found it helps to identify which of these categories our personal problem falls into.Which of these categories is associated with the fear we are experiencing, which is related to the problem we have.

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If we effectively attribute them to reactivity and our irrationality, we can place them firmly in the external forces category.So we identify the fear and we say, hmm, I am scared because of XY or Z.

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This is related to one of the five fears.It's related to that fear, I understand, therefore it's an external force.So how am I going to navigate that?One of my favourite Stoic principles is knowledge.

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If we can begin to understand our fear, we have much more chance of conquering it.And this is my advice to Lisa.So using the example of Tuesday Saint Clair in Mystery at Maybank Cottage, her fear is the end of something.

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She's fearing the end of something, that thing which has prolonged her safety net, her safe space, so that she doesn't have to face the fear of loss of her parents.

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And of course, that loss, albeit to a different degree, would be repeated if she changes what she's doing and she moves on to something else.But Tuesday finds a way to manage this through facing it by journalling, which features in the story, and immersing herself in nature when she embarks on a new business with her brother.

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She also practices positive self talk, which we can use too, quote Slipping her feet into a pair of fluffy slippers, Tuesday shuffled to the bathroom.Teeth first, then tough talk time.

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She whispered to the mirror.What are your priorities girl?Do you even know?Yes, get rid.Her best friend yelled back.So to go back to Lisa's question, how can she manage her fear?

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Well, I advise the first step is to recognise and attribute her fear to one of the five categories.In this case, Lisa's fear is of being alone, navigating life alone when she's always lived with someone.

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This therefore is related to the fear of the end of something and also the fear of embarrassment as she's now exposed to doing things on her own and therefore personally accountable and visible in a way she wasn't before.

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So she's attributed now these feelings she's experiencing to one of the fears.She's understanding that actually they have a meaning, they have a space, and they need to be kept within that space and not be taken out of context when dealing with negative speak or that inner voice of fear.

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When the thought comes up, her second step is to say out loud, I already thought that.I thought that before.I've said that already, to look in the mirror, listen to her negative self speak those fears that she is repeating over and over and challenge them.

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And then once she's done this, remind herself I'm safe.This is not a threat.I'm safe.This is keeping the walls of her inner citadel high.She is practising positivity over and over and over again as necessary.

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It might be 1000 times a day, but it is necessary to get her through this difficult patch when she wakes up in the morning and yesterday's fear is replaced by another fear because that's what the brain's hard wired to do.

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This confirmation bias where it's seeking confirmation that all's lost.She has to look at herself in the mirror and say, is that the best you've got?That's pathetic.I've heard that before.You said that before.

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You are safe and there is no threat.Because the truth is, fear is not her enemy, it's surrender to the fear.Fear is natural, but it only wins when we let it transform our behaviour and we become reactive to it, irrational and place it, give it more credence, a louder voice than it should have.

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We are compartmentalising it.We are creating a distance between our self and the fear.The power is in the pause, as I say each week, Otherwise we will lose our pragmatism and lose the ability to make reasoned choices.

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Fear is an irrational response to an external force.Lisa's predicament is an external force.It's something that's happened as a result of occurrences that are now beyond her control.It happened as a result of interactions with others that have not worked out in her favour.

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These things happen regularly in relationships.So now it's time for her to reframe how she views her new situation.She is alone, but that gives her autonomy, that affords her choices.

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It creates a new beginning, a chance to live solely on her terms.She is now coming to life from a place of abundance, not a place of lack.This is reframing.

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This is understanding my perception of my situation is within my power of control, external forces she has no control over.

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So her healing lies in her ability to accept change pragmatically with design and management of the days and years ahead, saving the knowledge she is now the one in the driving seat.

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She is responsible for her reactions and the maintenance of her inner peace.She's let fear convince her stillness is survival.She's kept still because she's let fear convince herself that that is the way she's going to be safe.

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But when she looks at fear in a stoic way, she can expose it for what it really is.It's a lie that's pretending to be real.In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius said.If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgement of them, and it is in your power to wipe out that judgement.

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Now from today, if she chooses, she can face the truth with discipline, practice and understanding.As Stoics, we understand that fear is built into our biology to protect us, and in many ways it's kept us alive.

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But what fear was never meant to do was lead us.It was never meant to be our guide, our decision maker.And with Stoic practice, we can avoid letting it do that.If we allow fear to take the wheel and steer, we will only go round in circles when we're about to do something unfamiliar that threatens our comfort or control.

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We understand the stoics.This is our brain doing what it's been wired to do.The fear is a natural reaction, but if we let it manifest into something that drives our reactivity, if we let it into our inner citadel, we then understand it isn't the fear protect preventing us from moving on, it's actually ourselves.

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If we wait till we feel ready, we will be waiting our whole life.So we therefore choose to accept change as an inevitable part of life and work with it.And this leads nicely onto our journal task for the day.

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As you know, each week we have a journal task, and today I invite you to write down a dilemma you are facing today.Then, underneath, divide the page into two columns.In the left column, write down the fear you associate with the dilemma and your perceived reaction to it.

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If you were to let fear dictate, so you're writing down a dilemma you're facing today.On the left column, you write down the fear you associate with it and your perceived reaction to it.

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If you were to let fear dictate, then in the right column you're going to write down how best you could deal with it, noting that the power is in the pause.

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Next week we will be looking at Stoic Acceptance with Charlotte Bronte and Violette, her novel featuring Lucy Snow.And don't forget to check out my new audio drama Mystery at Maybank Cottage.All my other original dramas and classic audiobooks available wherever you listen to audiobooks.

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Thank you for listening and I'll see you next time.Bye.Hey Stephanie here.Thank you for listening to the Female Stoic podcast.It is an honour and I just want to say I really appreciate you being here.

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It's amazing the power of women in literature and the stoic messages they have to share.Please, if you can, return the favour by spreading their words and sharing this podcast far and wide so more of us can benefit from their wisdom.

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And don't forget to leave a review if you like what you've heard.See you next time.