36 How to be Stoically Sentimental | Philosophy and Literature - Female Empowerment - Bluestocking Society -Women's intellectual history
0:06
Welcome to the Female Stoic podcast.My name is Stephanie Poppins and I am an advocate for literary empowerment.That means I believe the example set by the literary masters can broaden life perspective, create increased self-awareness, and empower us to overcome the obstacles we encounter here in the 21st century.
0:39
By listening and referring what we hear to Stoic philosophy, we can foster a strong sense of self and navigate the world more effectively.This podcast takes the form of both discussions and meditations, and if you like what you hear, you might consider looking me up on my socials where I post empowering videos every day.
1:13
Or you may like my classic audiobooks and original stories available on my website, newworldbooks.uk.Happy listening.
1:41
Welcome to today's episode of the Female Stoic podcast #37.Today's theme is how to manage sentimentality as a stoic, and we'll be looking at the difference between sentimentality and how to deal with challenging events pragmatically.
2:03
Sentimentality and pragmatism represent opposing approaches to decision making, the difference between feeling idealistic and realistic.It's commonly assumed that sentimentality prioritises emotional experiences, nostalgia and ideals, and pragmatism focuses on practical consequences, efficiency and what works in reality.
2:36
And today we are looking at Beatrix Potter and we are considering that actually you can combine the two, which she does in her many works.So I'm trying to destroy this myth that sentimentality is actually a bad thing.
2:57
And a quick note, as I always say, we're not negating the value of emotion here at the Female Stoic podcast and we are not seeking to suppress it.We are seeking to understand it and utilise it with a view to maintaining our inner peace.
3:16
And of course, if you are interested in the work of any of the Victorian female literary masters, of which Beatrix Potter was one, check out my many tracks available on Insight Timer or complete Digitally remastered audiobooks available wherever you listen to audiobooks.
3:38
So as you know, each week we begin with a question, and this week's question was sent in from Amy in Wiltshire, which is in the UK.Thank you Amy, it's wonderful to hear from so many of you far and wide.So Amy says lately she's been considering the impact sentimentality has had upon her life.
4:01
She wants to hear about how to approach sentimentality in more of a stoic fashion so that she can maintain a sense of perspective on things and not get too carried away with the emotion of it all.Great question and one I myself have to consider everyday as an author of, well, many genres, one of them being anthropomorphic fantasy, which is where Beatrix Potter comes in.
4:31
So the Victorian author Beatrix Potter, born in London on the 20th of July 1866 as Helen Beatrix Potter.She lived with her mother Helen, her father Rupert and her young brother Bertram.
4:47
The families of both her parents had their origins in the industrialized North of England.The money inherited from the Lancashire cotton industry enabled the Potters to live comfortably in Bolton Gardens and Elegant Square in Kensington, London.
5:05
Typical of many middle class girls in the Victorian period, Beatrix had little real contact with her parents.Her childhood saw few friends and mainly just a governess for her company and so she embraced her fascination for painting and drawing that took up most of her spare time outside lessons.
5:30
Her brother was at school and she loved to sketch plants and animals, and this interest would later become the inspiration for her stories.She's best known for, as I'm sure you know, the tales of Peter Rabbit and the tale of Squirrel Nutkin, the Tailor of Gloucester, the tale of Benjamin Bunny, Jemima Puddle Duck and so on.
5:57
And the reason we are looking at her is because in her books she combined the sentimental portrayal of anthropomorphised characters, which means a combination of human and animal, with a pragmatic acknowledgement of the natural world and how it really functions.
6:17
So she depicted both a sentimental yet stoic approach to her work.Quote from Peter Rabbit.Don't go into Mr. McGregor's garden, Peter.Your father has an accident there.He was put in a pie by Missus McGregor.
6:36
Arguably not the sentimental slant you would wish for your children's amusement, but Beatrix is honouring her stoic knowledge here, her understanding of the natural world.She's not seeking to sugar coat it.
6:53
In doing so, she honours her virtue.She writes the way she chooses to write, with honesty amidst sentimentality.So Missus McGregor here is portrayed.Sorry.
7:10
Peter Rabbit's mother here is portrayed as a practical mother managing a household in a dangerous environment, using direct consequences to enforce safety.And yet she's a little rabbit, beautifully illustrated with children, pragmatically speaking.
7:33
Elements of realism here, but that are portrayed in a sentimental way.Let's have a look at Jemima Puddleduck.Quote.Jemima Puddleduck was a simpleton.
7:49
Not even the mention of sage and onions made her suspicious.So Jemima represents innocence exploited by cunning.Again, this is all about the natural world and Beatrix's observations of the natural world.
8:11
Jemima was sent to collect herbs, sage, thyme, mint and onions for a roast duck dinner that the fox intends to be her.While she's foolish, she's not portrayed as a complete failure.
8:27
She's rescued by a collie dog and she ultimately succeeds in hatching a later, smaller clutch of eggs, proving her sister-in-law who criticises her role.What am I saying here?There is a balance.
8:45
Yes, there's surrealism.That's acknowledged pragmatically, but in a sentimental way.So stoic elements in Potter's work.
9:01
She maintained this frank, matter of fact and sometimes violent view of nature.She acknowledged the predator prey relationship as part of the natural order.She viewed life with a clear eyed approach and she believed that trials could be endured and even LED lead to positive outcomes.
9:28
She was noted for her unwavering control in her professional work.She once stated I cannot rest, I must draw, however poor the result and when I have a bad time come over me, it is a stronger desire than ever.
9:45
She showed little concern in her lifetime for public acclaim and was notoriously sceptical of excessive sentimentality, preferring the simple pleasure of work and nature.So she is celebrating nature.
10:06
She is celebrating by portraying the animals that she sees in an anthropomorphic way sentimentally, and yet she is not assuming that we are incapable of digesting the reality of nature itself.
10:31
In her tales, actions have direct consequences.Characters face danger, hunger and such as Peter Rabbit losing his clothes, disasters, difficulties.
10:49
While her characters are whimsical, their world is tough and unpredictable, and these stories reflect the hardships of actual rural life.Quote believe there is a great power silently working all things for good.
11:10
Behave yourself and never mind the rest.So on the one hand she's sentimental and on the other, she's realistic.She speaks of the natural order of things, the hunter versus haunted.
11:27
So what I'm saying is she's not allowing sentimentality to master the narrative.Emotions are not clouding her judgement.She's staying true to the facts.Yet she displays a clear love of her environment, a deep respect for the natural world she immerses herself in that which is endearing and heartfelt, her celebration of animals and the natural world so far from this soft, focused nostalgia often associated with Beatrix Potter's brand.
12:05
Her books and work underline this famous quote.Seasons when things go wrong just have to be lived through.So how do we be sentimental yet stoic?
12:23
How do we allow ourselves to feel deep emotions, love, gratitude, sadness, without letting them control our actions or disrupt our inner peace?Well, distance is the key.
12:41
Create a little distance between yourself and the nostalgia so it can exist in its rightful place just outside of your inner citadel.Remember, the power is in the pause, the distance is where the control lies.
12:58
Experience the emotion, understand it's happening to you and create a distance.Once you have gone through the motions of that feeling, create a distance and by this reckoning we can see that it is allowed to hold its own place.
13:18
It has value, but it's not as simple as everything inside out in a citadel is good and everything outside's bad.It's about where it belongs, where it's place is compartmentalising the emotion.
13:37
There is a thing, there is a place, I apologise, there is a place where all things must exist for us to maintain our inner peace.The key here is understanding in which place each thing belongs.
13:55
And inner peace is not the result, it's the cause.Paradoxically, if we come to difficulty from a place of inner peace, it will manifest itself as such.If we cling on to sentimentality from a place of lack, we will only then experience lack.
14:17
If we come to sentimentality from a place of inner peace, we will experience inner peace.Sentimentality is a huge draw.It's nostalgic, it's telling us there were better times, this was the right way to be.Wasn't it great when and as I say, each week, It's a daily endeavour to move away from that.
14:40
And of course we will fail regularly.We are human.But if we manifest inner peace, if we keep our inner citadel walls high, and if we maintain our sense of pragmatism, understanding that we are going to embrace sentimentality.
15:03
Sometimes we're watching a film, an old video, looking through photos, of course, but understanding that that sentimentality is not going to bring us in a piece.It stays outside of our inner citadel.
15:20
We come to it through inner peace.We are already at peace, so we are not embracing it to give us peace.It exists outside of our inner citadel, a daily endeavour, a daily endeavour.
15:43
And we will fail regularly once we come to accept that we understand we have to keep building and knowledge is the key.And of course, the Female Stoic podcast, as well as your journal, your time in nature, your meditation, they're all contributing to this cachet of weapons that we have to fight out in a demise.
16:12
It is war within ourselves every day and if we come to that place, I am at peace.But I understand there are things attacking my inner citadel.Then we are happy to be armed.
16:30
So the key here is to see, going back to the question, sentimentality for what it is.It's an emotion and it's a beautiful experience, but it's not something we long for.
16:50
We grab hold of because then we're just pushing it further away.We are already coming to that from a place of inner peace.We embrace it when we experience it, and then we let it go.It exists outside of our inner citadel.I know this is a wonderful thing to cherish, but I know it cannot affect my inner peace.
17:16
I am just experiencing nostalgia it this is a wonderful emotion, but this sentimentality is not bringing me in a peace.I already have inner peace.It exists outside of my inner citadel and the walls of my inner citadel are high.
17:40
And it must be noted at this point, unlike many of her Victorian contemporaries, Beatrix Potter was extremely privileged and had sufficient time and good fortune.There was no pressure on her to marry in order to have money, in order to have wealth.
18:03
There was no pressure on her financially from externals, she had a lot of time and energy available in order for her to focus on her work and love of nature.So this is where her story differs from the other female Stoic masters we've looked at.
18:26
She wanted for nothing materially.So you may argue, well, she could afford to be pragmatic, but what I'm saying is we all have to work with what we have.
18:48
And any one of us coming from any one of our situations.Considering that something like sentimentality for or nostalgia for easier times, calmer situations, greater, better relationships that we've had our childhood that will not afford us anything more than could be afforded us if we had access to all the riches in the world, for example, in a piece.
19:22
This state comes from within.And at Stoics, we understand that actually the knowledge of these things, these pressures, if you like, these temptations that turn our head.
19:42
The knowledge is the power is the understanding, and we need that in order to compartmentalise and know what our mind is doing at any one particular time.So what am I saying there?
19:58
I'm saying regardless of our circumstances, we all have the same capacity for inner peace.And Beatrix Potter, in spite of all of the luxury and wealth she was afforded, she did not become complacent.
20:16
She utilised her time in the commitment to honouring her higher self.I cannot rest.I must draw, However, Paul, the result, She said.And when I have a bad time come over me, it's a stronger desire than ever.
20:36
The key here is to be who you would be regardless, and to understand that any emotion is a fleeting, chaotic experience that we can embrace, but we must hold at arm's length to understand where its place is, and its place is not in our inner citadel.
21:08
So how do we manage sentimentality?As women?We have common, constant calls to action, demands, moments we're drawn into every week.How do we maintain a balance so we are not overwhelmed?As Amy, the questioner said, she feels drawn into this sense of sentimentality and she is trying to understand it more and give it its place so it doesn't overwhelm her.
21:40
So let's consider the following before moving on to our journal task.Firstly, practice loving detachment.If we appreciate people things moments deeply when we're experiencing them whilst acknowledging their impermanence, thus experiencing the emotion rather than suppressing it and yet remaining emotionally stable, we will find it easier to let things go.
22:16
And sentimentality is something people tend to hold onto because they have aversion to letting things go.So we feel deeply, but we act rationally.We are experiencing the full spectrum of emotions, but we're separating our feelings from our decision making.
22:38
Again, the power is in the polls.We're not acting when we are in the place of emotion.We experience the emotion, then we create a distance, we hold it outside of our inner citadel, and then we are in a place where we can act rationally, Seneca said.
23:05
We suffer more in imagination than in reality.It could be argued here.Imagining the worst cannot happen is setting ourselves up for heartache.The worst can happen, but if we're armed enough with this resilience, this pragmatic approach to life, not all, but it used to be, but how is it now?
23:31
We can develop this resilience through exposure to the idea.Going back to Beatrix Potter, she was placing Peter Rabbit in a situation where there was a threat, and yet somehow the story's still sentimental.
23:54
There's a balance.She has an understanding and acceptance, and in fact, she's not suggesting we imagine the worst cannot happen.She's telling us it can.And it did.And his father ended up in a bye.
24:15
She's encouraging us here to appreciate, loves, loved ones deeply by acknowledging their mortality, cherishing moments without being destroyed by the fear of loss.They are still able to have a relationship.
24:34
Their whole world, Peter Rabbit's world, is not overshadowed, but there is an understanding there.And this is the key.And of course, this works for both ways, for good and bad moments, OK?
24:52
All moments are fleeting and we seek to embrace them as they occur.If it's a good moment, we embrace.If it's a bad moment, we understand that it will be over soon, OK?So we're aiming to develop a Stoic resilience to inevitable pain.
25:10
And we understand there will be pain.There has to be a balance.They can't all be good and they cannot all be bad.Our job as Stoics is to find the good and the bad in order to maintain our inner peace.
25:31
So we're reframing emotions as temporary, including sentimentality.It's a fleeting trip down nostalgia lane.We watch the film, we cry our eyes out and it's over.
25:49
We are not going to hold on to that.We are going to fully experience it.Embrace the emotion, accept the emotion, and it's done.When we're triggered, we take a pause.
26:06
We understand we're going to feel all of this rush of emotion coming to us and we let it happen, but we don't react as a result of that emotion.
26:24
So it's all about timing, isn't it?We don't want to be in a state of undervaluing everything all the time to the point we don't actually enjoy anything.We want to really experience life in the moment and avoid having the attachment to something, just experiencing it as it is at that time.
26:51
Journal task Today Sentimental thoughts often arise from our judgements, not the events themselves.This task in our journal forces us to strip away subjective emotion.So I want you to think of a recent situation where you felt overly sentimental, anxious, or dramatic and briefly write down this narrative as you felt it.
27:21
For example, they ruined my day by saying I was slow, it was unfair, and I felt useless.So identifying the trigger, step one, writing it down, and then I want you to strip away the story, rewrite the story, removing all the judgements, all the emotional narrative, and describe it as if you were a detached observer.
27:51
For example, I was given feedback that I was slow, full stop.The person spoke for two minutes, full stop.My heart rate increased, full stop.As Marcus Aurelius says about judgements, is it a catastrophe or is it my judgement of it that is the catastrophe?
28:20
Sentimentality means we look at moments through rose tinted spectacles, and it can work both ways.We look at moments through darkened spectacles because they represent a fear, a threat.
28:38
But when we break the moments down as Beatrix Potter did, we understand that, yes, it's terrible, Peter Rabbit no longer has a father.But pragmatically speaking, what does this mean for them?
28:54
Now, at this moment, we don't go into Mr. Macgregor's garden.Thank you for coming, everybody.And I shall see you next Friday.Bye.Hey Stephanie here, thank you for listening to the Female Stoic podcast.
29:18
It is an honour and I just want to say I really appreciate you being here.It's amazing the power of women in literature and the stoic messages they have to share.Please, if you can, return the favour by spreading their words and sharing this podcast far and wide so more of us can benefit from their wisdom.
29:43
And don't forget to leave a review if you like what you've heard.See you next time.